75 Mirror: And I You
by Inari Kasugawa
Summary: Berwald has a mirror that lets him see things, or rather, the one person who he misses the most. SwedenxFinland/BerwaldxTino. Tell me if I'm pushing the T rating. For Anina-chan.


**75. Mirror: And I You**

Berwald had a mirror, one that he found in the attic of his house when he had moved. He had been moving boxes up for storage when he first saw it. He thought that it was just a regular mirror until one day he caught a glimpse of _him _in the reflection. The reason that he had moved in the first place; it was, though, just a fleeting image, but it left him rooted in place, stunned. Berwald disregarded the mirror after that as just something the previous owners had left behind. But such a mirror, 6 feet tall, what were obviously hand carved oak panels, with brass inlay would not have been so carelessly misplaced. He called the previous owners to ask if they had left anything behind, but it seemed that the mirror had come out of nowhere.

He wanted to leave the mirror up in the attic, but somehow he wound up bringing it down to his bedroom and setting it in the corner. He didn't think that it would make a difference where it was, he would keep thinking about what he had seen. At least this way he had it in his presence so that he didn't go mad thinking about it. It looked just fine in his room either way. He gave the mirror another glance before going off to finish unpacking.

He would dismiss the happening later as a play of the lights, or stress. There was no why he would have seen _his _reflection in that mirror.

Because _he _was dead.

//////////

Tino stood at his mirror, more than just a little happy that Berwald had put the mirror in his bedroom. He thought that he _might_ get the living room, or maybe just have been left in the attic. He sat back on a chair in his room. The afterlife was comfortable, but he really missed Berwald. That's why he asked God for the mirror, so that he could check up on him. What Tino hadn't been expecting was a two way mirror. Granted it didn't allow Berwald to look into his world, but it superimposed his image onto the glass.

Berwald had seen him, and had freaked out. He had pulled himself of Berwald's mirror and instead watched from a little ways away. He smiled sadly to himself. Berwald seemed so tired.

'_I should have been more careful…'_

//////////

Berwald didn't finish setting up everything just that first night, but the boxes of mostly junk were already stored in the attic; his bed room was made up though there were boxes of unpacked clothes lying around. He had a basic kitchen set up, but it would probably take him till the end of the week for him to bother to set up his television. At 8:30pm, Berwald was sitting in bed reading, a small book light was the only illumination he had set up as of yet. There was just a small gleam that caught on the mirror, and Berwald thought about seeing… no, he did not want to think about it. After a year he wanted to move on. But he really couldn't. No doubt he had seen Tino in the mirror, but there was no chance that it was real… right? Berwald shut his book, tired from working on the house during the daylight hours, and now moderately depressed from thinking about his dead lover. He shut off the book light and put the book down on the night table. He turned over and faced the empty left side of the bed. No, he was still far from over it. He would have found a smaller bed, or someone else to fill that place. That was not even an option. Snuggling down into the duvet and the few pillows on the bed, Berwald fell into troubled sleep.

///////////

"_Berwald, you really need to stay home today. Your temperature is at 101 and the doctor said that you needed to rest. I just need to run and get a few papers from the office and then I will be right back, okay?"_

_Berwald grumbled and turned back into the coolness of the pillows, the only cool that he could reach as Tino had attempted to bury him in blankets. A soft kiss was placed at the large man's temple and a soft hand took hold of his. _

"_I'll call you when I'm on my way back, so don't worry."_

_Another kiss and Tino was out the door and into the cloudy mid-morning. _

_Not ten minutes later it started raining; hard. _

_Berwald became agitated lying in bed, staring at the phone by the bed, willing it to ring. Although it was just another five minutes, it had seemed like an eternity to Berwald. Before the first ring could finish, he had the phone up by his ear. _

"_T'no?"_

"_Hey Berwald. I got the papers; I should be home in… oh twenty minutes. I'll see you soon, okay? I love you."_

"_Love y' too."_

_The phone clicked when Tino hung up and Berwald placed the phone back on the receiver before turning over to try, and fail, to get some rest. _

_15 minutes passed then 20, then thirty. When almost an hour had gone by, Berwald was more than anxious, he was nearly in a panic and it was causing his fever to become worse. _

_The phone rang again and Berwald fumbled for it as quickly as he could._

"'_ello?"_

"_Hello, is this __Mr. __Oxenstierna?"_

_The tone of the voice made Berwald's stomach drop. He felt his body going numb. _

"_Y-yes."_

"_I'm afraid I have some bad news about a Mr. Tino Vainamoinen."_

_It felt to Berwald as if the world was shifting under him. _

"_A teen driver… ran a red light… bad crash… he didn't feel any pain…"_

_It was all coming in bits and pieces, but he heard the phone hit the floor and suddenly the world was too hot and he couldn't breathe."_

"_Sir… sir are you there? Sir!"_

_\\\\\\\\\\\_

_Berwald woke up, perhaps hours later, in a hospital room, hooked up to different machines, IV's in both arms and it felt as though he was also strapped down. The call remote was lying by his left hand and he pressed the button furiously, wondering where he was, and more importantly, where Tino was. _

_The nurse that came in looked terrified of him and stuttered as she spoke. She told him about how paramedics rushed to the house on suspicion that Berwald had suffered a heart attack or other stress related complications upon hearing the news. What news? Berwald asked. The nurse looked even more afraid, but she told him anyway._

"_Your partner, Tino Vainamoinen, is dead."_

_Berwald wasn't sure if the scream that he felt actually happened, but the pain in his chest was crushing. He heard the nurse call for help, and that was when he realized why he had been strapped down. He yelled and screamed out muddled curses, tears flowing freely as he called over and over again for Tino, until the morphine blocked out everything…_

_//////////_

Tino stood at the mirror again, he could see that Berwald had his book light on and that he was reading _Aeschylus_ again. Tino gave a sad sigh and turned to look at Berwald. His face looked drawn as he placed the book down. Looking at the clock on Berwald's bedside table, he saw that it was yet early. He bemoaned his foul luck that Berwald had not put the mirror closer to the bed, but contented himself to watch the man as he fell asleep.

_//////////_

_The funeral had been a closed-casket affair, a few friends and fewer close family members attending. Childhood friends from Denmark had made the trip over, offering heartfelt condolences to the stone-faced and grieving man. He accepted them all with the same flat tone and listless eyes. He didn't want to be comforted; he wanted to be alone, or better, to be lying in that very casket with his beloved. But he did not show it, nor did he act upon it. He went though his day to day, coping as best as he could. He spoke less than he had even before, and responded with only a word or two. He moved out of the home that they had shared, unable to keep going back to that place without Tino. _

_He blamed himself. Normally the two of them would carpool, he would drop off Tino, go to work, get off work and pick Tino up again and they would drive home together, Tino laughing and telling a new joke he had heard -- and he always had a new joke, like he saved them up for their rides together—and Berwald would laugh along with him. He blamed himself because before he had gotten sick, he had been invited out for drinks and dropped the car off for Tino, catching a ride with his fellows, drinking too much before taking a cab home. He fell into bed and fell right asleep, Tino giggling a little as he patted Berwald's head. He woke up with a fever and Tino took him to the doctor. He blamed himself because that next Monday, he should have been the one driving them both to full days at work, not half hour runs in the rain to pick up some work to do at home. _

_He blamed himself for not being in the car with Tino, for not having been able to say 'good-bye'. _

_A few weeks after the funeral, Berwald cried. _

_\\\\\\\\\\_

_He resolved to move but it didn't happen that quickly, one thing or another kept him in the house, but after 7 or so months, he ran out of excuses. Finally he found a place far enough away that he would never see the old house again, but not too far that he wouldn't be able to commute comfortably to work in the mornings. And he found a place, small enough for one person. He sold much of the old things, but he held on to a few of Tino's old belongings: his favorite book, his favorite shirt, his lucky tie and the sweater he liked to wear on casual winter days. These would be the last things that he kept. _

_//////////_

A few days later and Berwald had everything set up. The walls of all of the rooms were painted as he wanted them, the furniture of every room in place. There was real food in the refrigerator again and lighting set up just right. He felt a chill crawling in his skin but instead of letting any kind of depression sink in, he went back to inspect the strange mirror that had stopped him a few days ago. As he walked into his room, he flipped on a light. Nothing. No matter which way he looked, he could not duplicate the effect. Sighing and resigning for the night, Berwald got himself ready for sleep, read for a half hour, and went to bed, exhausted from finishing his move.

_//////////_

Tino stood on his side of the mirror. Berwald seemed to be getting along well, and that pleased him to no end. He was glad that Berwald was finally getting along again. As he watched him sleep that night, he wished that he could crawl back into bed with him, be held again in those warm, strong arms and hear Berwald's heart beat as he fell asleep. He found himself slightly choked up and had to sit back and take a deep breath, but tears already fell. He missed Berwald so much; he would have given anything in that moment to go back. But it passed, and he knew that nothing would bring him back. He contented himself again to watching the rise and fall of the blankets and Berwald's chest underneath as he took breath.

_//////////_

Berwald woke that morning, rubbed his eyes and put on his glasses, then stopped. In the mirror, he saw Tino, seemingly leaning on the glass, but from what looked like the other side. Rubbing his eyes, Berwald got up slowly, walking closer to the polished glass and tapped on it where he saw Tino's backwards reflection. Tino woke with a jump and rubbed his eyes, yawing.

"T'ino?" His breath caught. Was he dreaming again?

"I couldn't move on it looks like, I missed you too much."

Berwald felt a stab of guilt. Tino saw it and felt a similar pain, he knew he hadn't needed to say it.

"I came to say goodbye, so that we could both move on. I didn't mean to scare you, that's why it took this long… ah?"

Berwald had pressed his face to the glass, and from Tino's side, it looked rather ridiculous and he couldn't hold back a laugh. Berwald's expression lightened up at that familiar sound. In an instant, though, the guilt was back.

"T'no… T'no I'm so s'rry. It's m' fau't. I sh'd have been th're." He felt hands on his face and stopped. He gasped when he saw that Tino was reaching through the glass. Tino was only able to pull himself partly out, but he held firm to Berwald.

"It isn't your fault. It was never your fault Berwald."

"J'st f'rgive me as th'gh it w's."

Berwald felt soft lips meet his own in a gentle kiss, the likes of which he had been missing for so long. He closed his eyes, savoring the moment, when the hands fell, and Tino broke away.

"I forgive you, Berwald, and I love you, still more than anything."

When Berwald opened his eyes again, Tino was nowhere to be seen, but his touch lingered, and a sense of peace fell over him, one that he hadn't felt in over a year.

"And I you."

\\\\\\\\\\

***trembling lip* /craicrai**

**I-I don't know what I have done… It is so sad and why! The pairing I love the most is also so subjected to my greater thought… R&R to let me know how what you think….**


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